One day, not so long ago I realized something while thinking about my life "hey! something isn't quite right...".
I had kind of a crash on my best friend girlfriend, but it was not as quite the same as what I actually felt for my best friend, it was very disturbing to me because I never felt that way before, and under the light of my christian and straight education being homosexual was completely unthinkable and sinful, that kind of fear was what delivered the final blow, the blow that got me on my knees.
For quite some time I just kept denying my self over and over again, punishing my self for every thought every look towards a man.
But I soon realized that it was unbearable, I couldn't spend the rest of my life feeling like a freak, like the worst person on this earth, it was just impossible, I had only two ways out, suicide or changing my entire beliefs and way of thinking.
Well for me for a long time the easy way out was suicide, its not difficult to understand way, school was a pain in the ass, I was good but that meant actually nothing to me because I saw no future ahead of me so way the hell would I care about some useless and insignificant evaluation I was through with evaluations, being judged by society day after day haunted by the fact of being different, of being homosexual, and the eventuality of someone finding out.
I knew that I couldn't be like this for ever , I NEEDED TO STOP, something needs to change.
And that was my eureka moment I had tow choices or end't all or get rid of every thing that was suppressing me, so I said good bye to religion, said good bye to the society close maids and stereotypes and freed my self from all the harm I was inflicting to me and accepted my self as being me, just me, and nothing but me, with all the flaws and defects but also with good things and above all being every thing together.... even the gayness.
After all we all wont to be different.
William G.
William G.
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