Home nightmare

Parents, what a nightmare, the people who raised and educated you, they are supposedly a good example for  you... Well is a fact some times they  fail their task, and it is sad when they do.
I don't know how I got throw 15 years of constant fear, my father is a alcoholic, for year I tried to make excuses for him, not anymore I can't take it any longer, fear is a constant in my house, he goes out in the morning before I am even awake, I don't see him until noon when he is already very drunk, the thing that I most fucking hate about him when he is drunk are really the conversations those long and painful conversations, although I'm not able to understand shit about what the hell he is saying I just have to listen because if I don't,  well there is the risk of he never walk away, well but this is my father, my mother knows what happen if she steps in ... shouting and more shouting ... when the things don't get worst.
Sincerely I don't know why don't they split up, divorce, I don't know if it is pity, or shame, or what but this is masochism.
I don't know if I can't  hold this for much longer, I seriously don't know, I don't wont to live a life of fear, I just want to get the hell out of here.    

God and the homosexuality (morality)

Hum... this is a very hard subject to discuss but lets give it a try.
The christian God have a very critical view of homosexuality, I'm an atheist but I was a believer and I have a big inside view of Christian church and let me tell you it is one closed  mentality, and is very dogmatic and harmful when it comes to this point, the preach fear they preach evil and they preach the segregation for homosexuals.
All right this is their point of view, I don't agree but I'm not interested in change no one, but what I wont to do is expose some of the incoherence's that they preach:
1st- If we are all sons and daughters of god why should the homosexuals(among so many others) go to hell.
2nd- If we ar created by God similar to him  why should we be so different from everybody else.
3rd- If we are creation of God why would we create us different and seiners.
4th-If God is only good and bless how can there be a hell.
5th-If God look out for his sons how so many suffering and pain exist.(don't come with the bs that God is  MYSTERIOUS, the only thing that God does is to be adored, God sent Christ is real son to teach us about him, but when it comes to incoherence's  God is  MYSTERIOUS... ya right, I don't buy it )
So if you can't actually define God and his will, you better be happy while you can because you don't no if there is anything beyond this life.  

    

Gays, homosexuals and Transsexuals

This is what really upsets me is the image that many people have of homosexual men and women, but especially men because men are seen as studs and a large portion of the society see homosexual males as less of a men, there is the stereotype that a gay man have female feelings and female gestures, that is absolutely not true. Although there are men that actually have effeminate gestures, that is nothing to be ashamed about, but it's not the norm among gays and many of them are not even gays but transsexuals.

But this distorted image of homosexuals was mainly advertised by the media, and it's up to each one of us to change this very point of view, this hurtful and shameful point of view.      

The adoption

The adoption of kids buy homosexual men or woman it's a very controversial subject undeniably, and the controversy come from the fact that a large part of the society still see homosexual couples as unstable, promiscuous and irresponsible, for sure some of them are, but the truth is that many of the heterosexual couples are also unstable, promiscuous and irresponsible but the big difference is that many of those  heterosexual couples are able to adopt.
The obligation of child support is to intensively evaluate the foster care families homo or heterosexual, what is not acceptable is stereotyping  couples by their sexual orientation.
Many people argue that kids need a male and female image on their lives, that's way we don't allow single parents to raise their children.(make sense doesn't it???) I think that this argument is an insult to every single parent that have raised his sons or daughters on his own, And one more thing allowing gay couples to adopt would just give the opportunity of more children to have a family, so forbidding adoption by homosexual couples is not only ungrounded but also selfish. 
Others say that we need children and if gay couples were allowed to marry soon the population will age and finally end. Who is able to conceive such a future????, by allowing gay couples to marry the number of gays will not increase ... being gay is not a choice.  
Finally they say that gay couples only raise gay children, obviously the contrary is also true, heterosexual couples only raise heterosexual kids. (OK, I think the sarcasm expose fully my point of view.) 
                                                                                                                                     William G.

My best Christmas

This is my idealistic version of the perfect Christmas:
The first thing that I would change would be the celebration it self, in other words erase it completely; I simply think that it is useless, I don´t see why people need to celebrate this holiday in such a materialistic way, society teach their cubs to expect receiving  presents in this day, brought to them by some magical figure and this is all they know, family is also present but it is seen by the kids as a secondary part of this festivity, (this seems like excerpt of the «unabomber manifesto» but is much more peaceful point of view) for an atheist like me it's hard to understand why should I be forced to celebrate the birth of Jesus Christ the son of God if I don't even believe in God himself ?! IT'S NONSENSE!
Many times when I ask people this question atheist or not, the only reason the give me is that it is a holiday celebrated by many generations  before me, but this isn't even a valid argument if I kept doing every thing that my ancestors did I would be out there hunting witches and sorcerers and burning them in my fireplace, I thing You need to agree with me when I say that this is a complete stupidity.
I tried one thing this last Christmas, I chose to do not celebrate it at all, I just stood quiet in my room alone with the lights off, writing, looking out the window with the ocean as background... I was not only peaceful but it was a moment of introspection too, it made me realize how I would like to spend future holy days, and it is alone.
OK this was a bit radical, I don't discard the option of finding some one that I love, and then for sure I would not have any problem in sharing this moment with that person but it really need's  to be my choice, until that day arrive I will be spending this day alone.            
                                                                                                                                     William G.               

Being the gay son (the coming out)

I believe that this his is the crucial moment for every homosexual boy or girl, the come out of the closet, it is remarkably difficult for anybody to admit, just that they are homosexuals, and we can't forget that is very, very stressing to admit in front of our parents that we are different, that we belong to the tiny bit of society that like people of the same gender, ya then, when I say this many people might say too that no mater what your parents love you and nothing changes, relay I never met parents that reacted so peacefully, in fact I even think that that is not possible.

Our parents tend to predict our future and they have dreams that they expect us to achieve, and that isn't that bad it gives us a guide line, but those dreams often includes getting married (in my case) with the most smart and wonderful lady I can find and have a bunch of kids and grow old together, and live happily ever after, and mams ans dads all over over the country cry when, one of their kinds admits that he or she is homosexual, I'm pretty sure that it feels like a hard blow to the stomach, it's like we are destroying their dreams, but if we think about it the only part of the dream that don't come true is the wife part because every thing remains the same we possibly marry we adopt if possible (and I don't see why the hell it shouldn't be legal gay couples to adopt, but that is a all different subject that I hope to talk about later on), well we were in the part where a gay couple can live happily ever after.

And there is yet some thing that bothers me if I was straight no one would ever ask me nor if I was straight nor I would go to any one, embarrassed saying that I was straight, right, so way do I need to go talk to any one, embarrassed saying that I am gay??? but now the story changes if someone asks me (if I'm gay or not) I wouldn't deny being straight if I was, like I wouldn't deny if I was straight and someone asked me if I as straight, but in the case of being gay the mom or the dad might ask way didn't you told me that before and for me this is a complete nonsense, and the better answer to that question is : YOU DIDN'T ASKED!

And this kind of nonsense will continue until we change and erase this way of thinking and there is no better way to do this then by stepping up and lose the shame and talk openly talk about this openly.                                     

                                                                                                                                            William G.

Eureka

One day, not so long ago I realized something while thinking about my life "hey! something isn't quite right...".

  I had kind of a crash on my best friend girlfriend, but it was not as quite the same as what I actually felt for my best friend, it was very disturbing to me because I never felt that way before, and under the light of my christian and straight education being homosexual was completely unthinkable and sinful, that kind of fear was what delivered the final blow, the blow that got me on my knees.

  For quite some time I just kept denying my self over and over again, punishing my self for every thought every look towards a man.

But I soon realized that it was unbearable, I couldn't spend the rest of my life feeling like a freak, like the worst person on this earth, it was just impossible, I had only two ways out, suicide or changing my entire beliefs and way of thinking. 

  Well for me for a long time the easy way out was suicide, its not difficult to understand way, school was a pain in the ass, I was good but that meant actually nothing to me because I saw no future ahead of me so way the hell would I care about some useless and  insignificant evaluation I was through with evaluations, being  judged by society day after day haunted by the fact of being different, of being homosexual, and the eventuality of someone finding out.

  I knew that I couldn't  be like this for ever , I NEEDED TO STOP, something needs to change.

  And that was my eureka moment I had tow choices or end't all or get rid of every thing that was suppressing me, so I said good bye to religion, said good bye to the society close maids and stereotypes and freed my self from all the harm I was inflicting to me and accepted my self as being me, just me, and nothing but me, with all the flaws and defects but also with good things and above all being every thing together.... even the gayness.         

  After all we all wont to be different.
                                                                                                                                     William G.